My first blog attempt! Why I've chosen this newest road in my life.

Today started a new journey that I've been putting off for a while because of the daunting nature of this challenge. I started a Jenny Craig diet and I've made a commitment to myself that I'm going to succeed and I'm going to use the tools I've been given (actually they weren't all free, they cost a lot of money!). I wanted to put down in words why I've finally decided to start this journey so that when I'm frustrated or feeling like I'm floundering, I can look back and read this and remind myself.

I've slowly been gaining weight for about 5 years now, packing on the pounds, eating in bed, eating in the car, large sizing it every where, eating out everywhere and every day. I have tons of excuses. I'm bored. I like food too much to give it up. I'm too busy to cook dinner so let's go through a drive through. I don't want to wake up any earlier than I already do, so let's grab Starbucks or Shipleys on the way to work and school. Eating healthy and organic is too expensive. I went through a very depressed phase after a failed marriage, the death of my mom, struggling financially, going on bad first dates, being disappointed after another guy turned out not to be what I was looking for. And since I hardly ever date, I never get to the point where I'm interested in sex so if no one is going to look at it, who cares what it looks like. Eating out for lunch is so much better than eating at my desk because I get out of the office and socialize and that's healthy right?

However, I've started realizing things about myself that horrified me! I yoyo'd on fad diets...HCG, fat blockers, nutritional supplements, you name it and I probably tried it for about a month. Just long enough to lose 10 pounds and then I'd celebrate. Last month, I started a new diet with 3 different kinds of supplements to detox, metabolize, and suppress my appetite. When I read the line "do not take with antidepressants," I decided to just stop my antidepressants. Needless, to say I was a complete witch to be around and I spent way too much time in the bathroom "detoxing."

A week into the diet, I wound up driving myself to the ER with my 8 year old son in tow because I felt like I was having a heart attack. Not one of those "ohh I feel weird hope everything's okay" kind of weird...but the "oh crap I can't breathe and it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest" kind of really weird. Turns out I reacted badly to the supplements but luckily I have a healthy heart. Blood work and all of the other tests revealed that my thyroid levels were 8.8 when normal is between .3-3 and all of my cholesterol levels were completely off the charts. As I was sitting there in the ER bed, waiting for a friend to come get Clayton from me, I had this horrible image in my head that I was going to die and have a heart attack or a stroke in front my baby and he'd have to be the one to call 911.

Two weekends ago, I went shopping, trying to find some summer things to wear to baseball games, tanks, shorts, capris, etc. In case you don't know, not many places sell cute clothes for girls over size 16 so I've had to start shopping at Lane Bryant. I was in the dressing room, trying on clothes and this thought actually went through my head "Well the 18 is fits perfect but if I buy the 20 I can grow into it." And I was like WTH did I just say?! What grown woman grows into her clothes?

Anyway lots of events have transpired recently that have illustrated to me the need to make a change. Some are funny, some not so much. It was definitely not fun being out of breath walking on a hike at scout camp. Feeling the mattress sag when I lay down. Seeing the fold of fat on my knee cap when I tried on shorts. Seeing clothes in my closet that I love and haven't been able to wear in years.

I have to say my moment of inspiration came from my friend who has been doing Jenny Craig since February. She kept turning me down for lunch dates and our weekly dinners out with the kids for pizza buffet. I saw how much weight she was losing and how motivated she was and how she actually got to eat...good food.So maybe now we can have dinner nights in, where the kids eat a pizza and we share our Jenny meals.

I'm listing my immediate goals now, so I can check them off one by one:

1. Make it through Day One without cheating. (check)
2. Save my lunch money every day that I would normally spend eating out to buy my Jenny food next week.
3. Wear a real size 16 (not the Lane Bryant make ya better about yourself 16 that's really like a 20).
4. Use the support of my friends on my Facebook group, the Road to Skinny, and support them all too.

Long term goals:
1. Weigh 150 pounds.
2. Stop shopping at Lane Bryant
3. Be able to sit (comfortably) in a seat at the ball games and theatres.
4. Be able to cross my legs without holding it in place
5. Be confident in my ability to do this.

I haven't decided if I'll share this or not. My blog is NOT going to be focused on my weight loss goals. It's going to be about ALL of the roads I choose to travel on, the detours I take, the wrong turns, the beautiful scenery I find along the way, my travel companions, etc.

~Julianna